"Pale Blue Eyes"by The Velvet Underground
Throughout constant disappointment I have to keep positivity in hopes that I will find complete happiness soon. I just keep asking myself, “when?”. Maybe I ask that too much, maybe it will find me when I stop being in this desperate state of finding purpose. Other questions flood my mind and keep me company as time passes. Being in this mental struggle, I can’t bring myself back down to Earth and let some cosmic force take course. I feel as if I should be in control over everything, but my life is anything but. The chaos that reaches for me in my everyday life gives me comfort, it makes me excited that something might miraculously happen as I venture through the unknowing. But I’m growing weary of the unknowing. I am happy and most grateful for the life that has been mapped out for me. But this cycle of let downs, of heart-ache, seems to pull me down stronger than gravity itself. I’m at a crossroads, not necessarily a dead end, and the grey matter is what is eating me up. All I can do is try to overcome this and hope for complete sanctity. It’s all planned out, I’m just stuck in the waiting line for a limited supply.
I need to be happy.